The definition of heartbreak is overwhelming distress. Relationship heartbreak is something almost everyone will go through. I was always so fearful of going through a hard breakup. Well, I went through one for the first time in the fall of 2017. That was one of the hardest things I have been through because I could not understand why it happened, and I for sure did not see it coming. I was in complete shock because of all the promises made to me. I thought we were going to be together forever, like most do in a relationship. We need to remember to not put our hope and worth into a relationship like I did. We need to put our hope in the one who created it, Jesus. I want to give hope to the hopeless that can only be found in Jesus Christ.
Here is a heart check if you are in a relationship:
Are you in awe of your significant other, or are you in awe of your God? I say all of this because I imagine this might be the case for some of you. I know for me in that season, I was more in awe of my boyfriend rather than God.
First off, I am very thankful for that relationship and all it has taught me. My relationship with Christ will never be the same. It was the first time I took a hard situation and turned it over to God. I turned what could have been bitterness into forgiveness. I never thought about the intensity of a breakup until I actually went through one. My heart was so broken and confused, but the Lord mended it. You see, I was finding fulfillment in that relationship when true fulfillment is found in Christ. God allowed that heartbreak so I could fully surrender to Him in everything I do. I needed to become single in order for God to show me what it really means to live for Him. Being in a season of singleness is so sweet and fulfilling, do not forget that.
Prior to the breakup, I knew I wasn't being led like I had always prayed about. I knew I needed to be in scripture more. I started reading through Psalms after the breakup because I knew I needed encouragement and truth. I couldn't sleep so I opened up my bible and was in Psalm 22. God knew how badly I needed to hear that passage. I am still amazed at how God knows my heart so well.
Psalm 22:2-3
My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest.
But you are Holy.
I cried out to the Lord after reading this. I was so confused on why God ended that relationship. I felt like he was not answering my prayers. At night I could not sleep, I had no rest physically and no rest spiritually. My heart needed to become right with the Lord. Little did I know he was answering my prayers right then. He kept me up that night so I could come to the realization of how much I am in need of Him. Even through trials, God is Holy! Our ultimate rest in in Christ Jesus.
God is working in my life big time right now. God allowed me to go through that hard time knowing I would come to Him. He was preparing my heart for ministry. Preparing my heart for a future relationship. And preparing my heart for all He has in store for me. This is what has happened since my first real heartbreak.
- I became a student ministry intern.
- I was called to full time ministry whatever that may look like.
- I am now intentional with my time.
- I have an intimate relationship with God.
- I finally attend the Nursing Home again.
- I met some amazing new friends, you know who you are :)
- I am getting mentored by one of my best friends whom I respect so much.
- I am finally filling my mind with truth.
- I am reading countless books to further my knowledge in scripture.
- I am learning what it means to be a prayer warrior.
All this to say I am still broken. Because I am a sinner. BUT, Our God is a God of mercy, grace and forgiveness. There are days when I get overwhelmed with sadness thinking about the whole situation, but everytime I am then reminded how good God is. Without that breakup, I wouldn't be so on fire and in love with the Lord like I am right now.
Song recommendation and what helped me through some restless nights:
Here in the Presence by Elevation Worship
xo, emijoy
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